You might have come across the idea of achieving a Win-Win in a situation, which maps quite neatly with the Drama Triangle. This matrix shows the four possible outcomes based on who wins or loses in a conflict or disagreement:
If you make an unreasonable demand on your supervisor, you become a Persecutor. Although you might win in the short term because they become a Victim or Rescuer and concede to you, it’s not going to be an effective long-term solution. They’ll probably feel resentful and might then also become a Persecutor. Then you have a vampire battle on your hands.
If you concede to an unreasonable supervisor, this resolves the conflict very quickly — but also temporarily. This just shifts the problem to the future. You could then end up having to address it when you’re close to submitting your thesis.
In some cases, both student and supervisor withdraw. Neither relishes the idea of conflict or the awkwardness of a difficult conversation. The student then stops making progress, and this is bad for everyone.
Where you want to be, then, is in the top right quadrant, the win-win. Here you negotiate a resolution that’s best for both you and your supervisor. You need support, they need a student who successfully completes. It’s in everyone’s interests to find an effective way of working together.
Arrange a meeting with your supervisor to discuss how you’re going to work together. This session is purely to work on your relationship, not on the thesis. Sometimes supervisors don’t realise students have many competing priorities and therefore make unrealistic demands on them. Equally, students can forget that supervisors have ridiculously heavy workloads. They’d love to give you more time, but it’s impossible. Through clear communication and compromise, you can achieve and outcome in which everyone wins.
This content is adapted from my book How to Finish Your PhD. I also run a workshop on Working with Your PhD Supervisor.